A stunned humanity awoke this morning to the news that reality had weirdly slipped into the once fictional worlds of Ian Fleming and Richard Condon.  Particle physicists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) released a statement explaining the development as an irresponsible prank by graduate students during a pressure and power test run of the recently repaired main dipole circuit.

Phd candidates present during the three hour pre-testing period had been in deep focused argument over the ‘best fictional evil conspiracy ever’.  The discussion revolved around the James Bond series written by Fleming and The Manchurian Candidate written by Condon.

“Studies in particle physics have long proved that the observer affects outcomes of particle behavior” explained Dr. Upsi D’asie, Director of the LHC “our graduate students know this, most certainly.  It was irresponsible.” 

Protocols for LHC experiments require that those present during LHC operation maintain a “blank slate” within their minds in order to avoid interfering with outcomes.  Apparently, the handful of elite graduate students concocted the prank after ingesting brownies laced with marijuana.

“Apparently, the students’ drug induced focus in proximity to the LHC while in operation resulted in a shifting of the particulate matter of the universe” explained  Dr. Upsi D’asie.  “We regret this development and apologize for the inconvenience to humanity.”

British and U.S. authorities issued a joint press release early this afternoon stating,  “Clearly this is a very fluid situation which requires careful assessment.  We are prepared to confirm that the announcement this morning from the Nobel organization awarding the esteemed Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama is a result of this unfortunate mishap with the LHC.  We cannot confirm as of yet whether the President is indeed The Manchurian Candidate of Condon’s novel but that investigation is now underway.  We have also confirmed that Ernst Stavro Blofeld now exists but further information is not available at this time.  These investigations are of the highest priority as we are trying to grasp the reality we all find ourselves in now”.

When asked by reporters whether Judy Dench is actually ‘M’ as of this morning a spokesman for British and U.S. authorities replied, “We cannot confirm or deny that.”  Attempts to reach Ms. Dench as well as Daniel Craig, the actors most recently portraying the main characters in film, were unsuccessful.  In fact, as of this morning, there are no records of the existence of a  “Judy Dench” or a “Daniel Craig” .  However, a spokesman for Sean Connery confirmed that the veteran actor still exists as himself saying, “He’s sleeping off a hangover as we speak”.

“Most likely, Ms. Dench and Mr. Craig are in fact now ‘M’ and James Bond, respectively” said Dr. Upsi D’asie.  “We cannot know for certain of course.  We are in unchartered territory.”  After pausing for a few awkward moments, Dr. Upsi D’asie concluded “Its unfortunate you know but at least we didn’t cause the cessation of existence with the creation of anti-matter like everyone feared”.

Representative Joe Wilson’s rude “You lie!” outburst during the Joint Session of Congress last week and the series of events leading up to it provide a watershed moment for an object lesson in respect and trust within this nation.  However, as evidenced by recent pronouncements of the racist nature of the American people, the lesson has apparently been neither taught nor learned.  Thus, we begin:

Before this current administration even started, back in September 2008 the nation was informed that the only thing between us and economic Armageddon was an $700 billion dollar purchase of toxic assets from our toppling financial industry.  This was, at the time, an unheard of sum, an obscene sounding sum.  What’s more it had to be passed immediately.  

Maybe it was an emergency but there was a legitimate suspicion that it was flim-flam. There was grave concern that this money, this nation’s treasure created and provided by its good and decent people, was going to disappear into the gaping maws of the nameless and faceless for a not good enough reason.  As we now know, much of that concern was completely justified.

Thereafter, the same economic desperation tactic and transparent-less outcome occurred with the Stimulus bill at $787 billion dollars without even having been read!.  Speedily following came the omnibus bill and the budget bill, again in the hundreds of billions of dollars.  

This nation’s people are overwhelmingly well educated people.  Of course, I don’t mean to imply Ivy League educated like most of the crew in D.C.  But after spending more in 9 months than in all the nation’s 233 years of existence well, even the non-Ivy League educated deduced, something was afoot.  Incidentally, that elite pedigree no longer inspires the presumed respect, much less trust, it once did for many, many decades.  A pity that, but I digress.        

There was a reason the tea party idea resonated so forcefully through the nation, several trillion reasons actually.  Plus which, it sounded fun in a harmless college prank kind of way.  However, the administration, leading democrats and the mainstream media were not amused and some were nearly apoplectic.  Reporting with palpable disdain, Susan Roesgen described the “anti-government, anti-CNN, not for family viewing” horde of uncouth, manufactured, crazed mobs.  Anti-government? (What, like McVeigh? Really?)  Anti-CNN? (I bet they are now!)  “Not for family viewing”? ( Oh really?)

Soon the centralized health care proposals were being trumpeted along with the now sickeningly familiar need-for-speed deadline of August and at only a tad over yet another trillion dollars.  The nation understood the seriousness, either this gets stopped now or never.  More derision (“astroturf”), mockery (“teabaggers”) and slander (“extremists”) were heaped upon the good, decent law abiding Americans of this great nation by leading democrats, the formerly-known-as-mainstream-media and the administration.  

Never have the American people been so contemptuously disrespected or grossly condescended to by their own representative government and free press for demanding, of all things,  fiscal restraint in the face of trillions in spending.  Nor have Americans ever been so isolated and publicly humiliated by the governing party for questioning, much less resisting unlimited power over the most intimate aspects of their lives.   Incidentally, it is precisely this process of isolation and humiliation which is clearly described in Saul Alinky’s book, “Rules for Radicals”.

But where trust really became damaged between the people and this administration was when the White House requested that the American people inform upon one another by submitting  “fishy” emails or casual conversations regarding health care proposals.  The administration also announced to the press that it had written to its supporters sending them out to attend the town hall meetings, counseling their supporters to “punch back twice as hard” against those who were opposed.  Some punched twice as hard, first.  One even bit off some poor guy’s finger.   

Unsurprisingly, these tactics did not have the desired effect upon the American people that the administration anticipated.  Instead of being intimidated, cowed or shamed into quietude the American people raised their voices together, sang their national anthem and shouted, in unison, “U.S.A.”

The administration’s tactics are repugnant and utterly foreign to the American people and the nation’s proud history.  They are unprecedented on this nation’s shores.  Indeed, these very tactics have been undertaken by despots in other lands for whom power was, or currently is, unlimited.  History is littered with their infamous names.  

What has been happening in the nation is unrecognizable to a great many and was initially unnerving to most.  However, the administration’s blatant attempt to intimidate the citizenry has instead steeled their nerves and galvanized their spirits.

Which brings it all back around to Joe Wilson.  Despite a sincere apology for his rude outburst which was accepted by President Obama, the democrats within the House have sought to publicly, and for posterity, humiliate him by entering an unprecedented rebuke upon the House record.  Perhaps because a rebuke within the House was not public enough of a humiliation for democrats, Wilson has now been announced to the world as racist by no less than former President Jimmy Carter, and a few admittedly even lesser personages.  Likewise, the Americans who adamantly and passionately disagree with Obama’s policies are also racists, proclaimed Carter.  

The administration has stated that President Obama does not believe the opposition to his proposals is motivated by racism but he has not disavowed it.  Meanwhile the Snidley McSnides of the ever-more-obsequious-media keep prattling on that its all racism.  

It isn’t just that this race-baiting is insulting, though it is.  Nor is it just that its so absurd.   Mostly, it is such a profane act of bullying one cannot countenance even a pretense of respect for those who peddle it.  

The lesson has been known since antiquity:  Governance through bullying, intimidation and humiliation never effect respect or trust.  Those tactics might effect fear in some places but not in this nation.  Bullying, intimidation and humiliation are tactics which are utterly ineffective with Americans, including the youth.  Those tactics when attempted here result in what today’s youth would deem “epic fail”